35 Little Things that Would Mean a Lot to Your Kids- Homeschool Version!

Recently in Parents magazine, there was an article called 30 Little Things that Would Mean a Lot to Your Kids.  It was an awesome article!  Maybe some of you saw the link I shared in our group.  It was definitely aimed towards families who have kids in school.  I thought it would be fun to create one for homeschoolers.  Be sure to add your ideas in the comments section below.

Here we go!

1. Next time your kids want to stay in pajamas all day, let them.
2. Serve their favorite dessert before dinner.
3. Take a surprise day off of school and do their favorite activity.
4. Skip a page in their curriculum that made them groan.
5. Switch their reading time book with something they will love instead of what is required.
6. Spend some alone time with each kid, one-on-one and just listen to him or her.
7. Have a spontaneous board game night or afternoon.
8. Hide little notes in their curriculum or dresser drawers.
9. Break a rule.  Nothing big, just something that doesn’t matter that much to show them that it is OK to think outside the box sometimes.
10. Take a day off from chores.
11. Have a superhero school day and show up in a cape.
12. Next time they argue with you about something, ask them why it matters to them, really listen, and try to help them discover a compromise.
13. When they come to you with that crazy idea to start a business or build a fort that you would usually shoot down because of time, help them with it.
14. Take a surprise detour on the way home to an ice cream shop, toy store, or park.
15. Turn on some loud music and have a dance party in the middle of the day.
16. Thank your kids for every little thing, even washing their hands and finishing a page of work.
17. Take a surprise vacation.  Pack while they are asleep and leave when they wake up!
18. Hold an awards ceremony for something they are proud of.
19. Find a new park and plan to meet a friend there.
20. Wear their handmade necklace to the grocery store.
21. Have a nag free day.
22. If there is something your child really hates, even after trying their best, let them quit.
23. Create a school mascot, theme song, and handshake.
24. Get that puppy they wanted, or other pet that needs a child’s love.
25. Have a theme day, like Pirate Day with costumes, special food, decorations, ending in a movie or maybe a color day where all clothes, food, etc. are all one color.
26. Stay up late to see the full moon or get early and watch the sunrise.
27. Start a pillow fight! (Love this one!)
28. Have a gratitude day for each member of the family.  Spending the day having everyone tell that person why you are grateful for them.
29. Skype or FaceTime a faraway family member or homeschool convention friend.
30. When your child has a passion about something, find a pro to go and visit.  Imagine your child’s face when talking to a professional race car driver or ballerina!
31. End school early and have a movie day, with popcorn and everything.
32. Have your kids help create fun family rituals, like game night, taco day, or telling jokes at the dinner table on Fridays.
33. Put paper mailboxes on everyone’s bedroom door and send loving messages.
34. Bake a birthday cake just because.
35. Make a huge fort with the couch cushions and sheets before your child gets out of bed in the morning.

Making those amazing childhood memories is what this is all about.  Share what you try in the Facebook group, Homeschool with Confidence.  I can’t wait to hear all about it!

How to Really Challenge Your Kids for Growth

One of the difficulties (and benefits) we find as parents of homeschoolers is that we are in charge of finding ways for our children to grow.  I am talking about the kind of growth that we as the main adult in their lives can’t really provide.  Kids, well all people actually, model the people they are around the most.  I know for me one of the difficulties I have is that I hate math.  I focus really hard on not letting that affect my kids, but I know I am not the best person to teach them that subject.  With that in mind, we have found several people over the years that LOVE math.  These are the people I really want my kids to study with!

 What does excellence look like?
Now I want to take this idea to a higher level.  I am going to start with a story.  My middle daughter was a competitive figure skater for many years.  When she started, she wanted to skate like the older kids at this little beginner school near our house.  One thing I noticed was she could only progress to the top of that school.  As she gained more and more skill, she out grew that school and quickly needed more.  We switched rinks, found a coach, and she had a new, higher level to strive for.  A year or two passed, she started to compete, and had a new level of “top” to work towards.  As she reached that top level, we found we needed to switch things up again.  Her new coaches started to have her travel to competitions.  Something they said stuck with me and I still apply it regularly to our lives.  They told us that to be an excellent figure skater, she needed to see lots of different excellent skaters so she can see what excellent really looks like.

Think about it. 
When you are learning to do something, you set an expectation of how well something is supposed to be done.  You can only strive for the top of the example you are shown.  Imagine in figure skating competing with everyone from your rink versus competing with the best in the country.  After time, you could win the competition at your rink easily because you know what is expected, you practice at the level the other kids are skating at, but there isn’t the challenge or stretch there could be.  In comparison, imagine the practice time before a national competition.  Seeing all of the other skaters, with their varied developed skills, now raises the bar.  It creates a new standard-a new base line.  It pushes you to be the best you can be in all areas.  Another analogy could be tennis.  Think of playing two games of tennis.  One is with your buddy and you two are pretty evenly matched.  The other is with a high level player and he really challenges you.  Which game would instigate more growth in you as a player?

Success leaves clues. 
Often our kids have a talent or love for something that is not our strong suit.  I know for me that at a certain point I needed to find someone else who loved and knew things about math that I could not provide.  I was able to find a tutor for them.  There are many ways to provide an outside mentor to ensure a higher-level viewpoint.  There are always teachers and coaches, but be sure to get ones who really know and love their subject.  Your kids can skip years of trial and error learning by being taught by the best. 

Reading autobiographies and biographies allows your kids to experience how successful people think.  It is those thoughts that help them truly excel.  How we think about things often helps us grow much more than what we think about.  Another option for mentors is to mentally go through your family, friends, neighbors, etc. and figure out who has special skills or interests that might be willing to talk to or work with your kids.  To have them really be challenged, actively seek out the best in the topic your child is interested in and have your child contact them.  If they are local, maybe your kid could intern with them, volunteer, or spend a day shadowing them.  If they are not local, have your child email or snail mail them with questions.  I have found many successful adults love kids who are interested in what they are doing.

As I mentioned above, success leaves clues.  Set your kids on a hunt for the traits of successful people.  It will really speed up learning and growth.

What I Did to Turn My Homeschool Around

In the beginning days of our homeschooling journey, I had so many questions. I was frustrated when things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to. We never seemed to complete the assigned curriculum work because we seemed to always get lost on a tangent. On top of that, after all of the time I spent researching, as well as all of the money I spent, the curriculum wasn’t really teaching things the kids needed! Those early days were frustrating sometimes!

That is when I knew we needed to do something drastically different. First, we sat down and had a long discussion about why we decided to homeschool in the first place. That discussion showed us that we were really just replacing school in the home. That wasn’t what we were trying to do at all! We choose this journey because we wanted to give something more to our kids. We didn’t want them bogged down by a preplanned curriculum that didn’t match their interests, needs, or skill level. We wanted them to be excited about learning, to pick up a book because they were curious, and learn things they would help them to be better adults.

This one thing- this one planning session- changed things completely for us. We knew that this is what the journey was about for us and we needed to always be focused on these ideas. 

In the years that followed, whenever we felt off track, or one of us started dreading our days, we went back to the vision of why we were doing this. It was amazing at how quickly our days shifted back into ones we loved. 

This journey isn’t about the next cool piece of curriculum you see your friend trying or activity you’ve downloaded from Pinterest. It is about what you are ultimately trying to provide your kids.

I have created a program to help parents build the kind of homeschool they want and love for their family. It is called Homeschool with Confidence. I would love for you to check it out. Here is a video I created talking about it. 

In this video Juli Gauthier, a veteran homeschool mom, reviews the 6 modules that make up her online course for parents who are new to homeschooling and for those experienced moms who need grounding in what's truly important to them.

If you want to explore it more, you can check it out HERE.

It is my goal to share all of the things I have figured out over the years so that the up and coming homeschool families can by-pass some of the years of trial and error.  I hope you find sweet spot for you and your kids.  It is an amazing place to be!

Traveling and Homeschooling, So Grateful!

It is a few days before Labor Day weekend and we are on our favorite beach in Florida.  Our traditional cherished cabin was not only available to rent, but at a discount because it is now “off season” in Florida.  The water is almost bath water warm and the beaches are almost empty.  I am incredibly grateful, yet again, to be able to travel during the best times of the year and skip the heat, lines, and crowds.  To me, this is one of the major perks of homeschooling.  

Being grateful
Gratitude is the one thing that happy people all have in common.  It is the key to living a fulfilled life.  It is the ability to see what is great in any situation.  It also makes all of life a learning experience and not a series of successes and failures.  The ability to be grateful recognizes the beautiful and loving things in your life while also opening you up for more.  Teaching your kids ways to see things with more grateful eyes is a skill that potentially could change their lives in a massive way.

This week, I was amazed at a wash of gratitude that overcame me when I realized that it was homeschooling that made this experience and many others like it possible in such a perfect way.  We are now starting our 16th year as a homeschooling family.  It seems somewhere in there I have forgotten that my kids could be in school or college right now.  We have enjoyed this free and flexible schedule for so long that I just don’t remember that life is not like this for everyone.   As I was floating in the Gulf of Mexico with my family around me, I realized that this freedom to travel during ideal seasons was absolutely something special. 

Travel off season
To all of you homeschooling moms: Enjoy and make the best possible use of your ability to create your own yearly schedule.  Plan trips during the best weather and visitor off seasons.  Take advantage of the discounts and sales during non-peak periods.  For example, one of my favorite times of the year to take a family trip is in the first two weeks of May.  During the beautiful month of May, many kids of all ages are finishing up school.  We, though, have gone to Disney World during this time frame and never waited more than 15 minutes, all while having incredible weather and tons of flowers!  We have gone to Europe, Hawaii, as well as explored our own country in these pockets of great weather before and after public school starts.

Look at your schedule this year.  Where can you fit in a trip that is perfect in terms of weather and lack of crowds?  Expand your school year into the summer so you can take advantage of changing leaves in the fall, snow for skiing in the winter, or to just enjoy spring to its fullest.  Don’t forget to add some fun learning along the way.  If you schedule it right, you may not to do much make up time after all.

This is one of the major perks of homeschooling!  Time to take advantage of it.  And don’t forget to be grateful!

The 3 Things Every Parent Should Give Their Kids

I have spent almost 2 decades reading everything I could find on how to be a great parent and then a great homeschooling parent.  Would you like to know what I found?  There are 3 very important things we need to do with our kids.  Every parent needs to do these especially in these changing times!  

First, think about this. 
The kids in our society are being bombarded with information every day.  They potentially have access to everything the Internet has on it as early as age 7 or so.  Many have this access in their pockets!  Our generation of kids has more information, and at a younger age, with less parental influence and guidance than ever before in history.  What a sobering thought.  For many of us, this is one of the benefits of homeschooling. 

After all of my research I have found that there are 3 things that we can and need to do with our kids that can really make all of the difference regardless of whether your kids are homeschooled, traditionally schooled, unschooled, or anywhere in between.  

Listen deep
The first thing we can do is listen to them. I mean really listen and often.  The magic here is when we suspend any intention of responding.  Be present and open to anything they want to talk about.  Be totally with them in the moment.  Listen to them with that wonder you had when they were babies sleeping.  The younger you start the better.  If they know they can tell you anything at a young age, by the time they hit the real issues in their teen years or older, they know you listen with love.  It is a very special thing you can offer them!  Engaging the gift of listening allows you to really be involved in their thoughts and questions about this crazy world we are in!

Encourage their passions
The second gift we can give them is to encourage their passions!  Whatever it is, remember it is their job to explore the world right now.  The magic in learning comes from really wanting to know.  Help them thrive in the things they are curious about.  If your child suddenly has a passion for horses, give them opportunities to see them, clean stalls, maybe lessons, or even just take a trip to the library to gather books on the subject to have lying around the house.  Don’t be surprised if their passion switches, though.  It is their job to explore everything right now!

Lead by modeling
The third gift is the gift of leadership.  As parents in these fast-paced times, we need to give our kids the tools to manage all of the digital and marketing input that is constantly influencing their world.  Giving our children the ability to make choices early on, combined with common sense talks, and listening to them to help them through the decisions I believe is the key to raising a child who will be able to successfully thrive as an adult.  Leadership is not just about leading others; it is about leading yourself first.  As homeschooling parents, we have already chosen the road less traveled and modeled the ability to choose what we believe in.   If we start early letting our kids really embrace making decisions for themselves and really getting to know what they like and want for themselves, we are giving them muscles to be able to choose what really matters later.  Think about this.  Your kids will make not so great choices at some point.  This is how we as humans learn.  Wouldn’t you rather be there, listening with love, and showing them the problem solving skills to learn and fix whatever is going on with responsibility and integrity?  That is an amazing gift.

If you want to hear more about all of this, recently I was interviewed on Shine radio and I discuss some of these very things.

Click here for the link>>

Homeschooling- Can I Even Do This?

I’m sure that as a homeschool parent you sometimes feel overwhelmed with what you have taken on – total responsibility for your kids’ formal education. Knowing that others have been there and have navigated successfully through it can be an important source of comfort and inspiration as you “figure it all out.”

As my youngest graduates 15 years of homeschooling and takes his place as a happy, healthy young adult well equipped to “take on the world,” I share with you our own personal homeschooling story.  May it be an inspiration to you and your family.

I remember that before we even started to think about homeschooling, my oldest daughter came home from first grade talking about how her best friend started to homeschool and she wanted to also.  It seems like yesterday that we were going over to his house to see what they were really doing.  The whole concept seemed alien to me.  How could I possibly provide everything a group of teachers and a whole school community provided???  

Fast forward several years to my next child.  At 9, she approached me with a book about homeschooling and told me to buy it because she was just going to do it.  I bought it.  I read and thought about it.  My husband and I discussed it.  A lot.  We were still not sure.  Could we possibly handle all of the opportunities the highly trained professionals could offer our kids?  

It is funny how all of these things work out.  We definitely were sent a message.  A series of things kept happening showing us the path to homeschooling was one we should try.  The last straw was when our 9 year old’s shoulder was dislocated at 10am and they did not call either one of us or an ambulance.  They let her cry with ice packs all day.  Her arm was blue when I picked her up from school that day.  She almost lost her arm.

Because of this, something in my mind shifted.  Maybe the teachers don’t know it all.  Maybe we could do this.  Maybe we needed to do this.  We decided she should finish the year as it was just a couple more weeks, but then we pulled her out of school.  The rest of the kids quickly followed her home.  This was the beginning of the most rewarding 15-year journey of my life!

I researched everything I could find on homeschooling.  It wasn’t nearly as difficult as I feared it would be!  We started with deschooling, one month of free time for every year in school while the other kids are in school.  It was like magic.  Sibling rivalry ended (for the most part).  Our kids read without being asked.  Curiosity became a daily occurrence. The best part was that our family was closer and happier than ever AND our kids were learning much more than they had been in school.  We hadn’t even really started yet!

What were the key things that worked for us?  I do believe the deschooling made a huge difference.  The kids rediscovered how to learn for the joy of learning again.  That was amazing to watch!  Looking back, I think one of the most important things I did, was to shift my mindset that this was my priority now.  I wasn’t distracted when working with them.  This was my job, my purpose, my mission.  I was open to what they wanted/needed and I listened a lot.  Finally, we made a homeschooling mission statement for our family.  I got the idea from Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of a Highly Effective Family.  My husband and I decided that “Love to Learn, Love to Read, and Become Happy, Healthy, Contributing, Functioning Adults” covered the bases for us.  If we missed something, the loving to learn and read would provide them with the tools to figure it out.  So far it has worked!  We have 3 happy, healthy, contributing, functioning adults making their mark on the world.  I am more than grateful for this journey of homeschooling!  Yes we could and we did and you can do it, too!

The Most Important Homeschool Planning Task Most Parents Skip

I have been homeschooling for over 15 years now.  There is one thing I always do before making any serious plans for the next year.  Most parents skip this step and I think it is the most important step to having a really successful year.

Before choosing curriculum, or planning anything really, I ask everyone about these 3 questions...

What did you love about homeschooling (or being in school) last year?

Get details!  How did it make them feel?  Was what they were studying interesting?  Did they like how they studied it?  Where they studied it?  Who they worked with?  Success leaves clues.  Figure out what was working and why.  Ask yourself and your spouse, too.  What you find out could lead you to make  very simple tweaks that could make this year absolutely amazing!

What was not so great about last year?

This question could also unearth some easy to fix issues.  For us, one of our kids did not like when the dog was in the middle of things when we were working.  Easy fix, but one even my child did not realize until we talked about it on purpose.

What do you want to work on this year?  

This is the biggie for me!  You will be amazed at the answers.  When your child is empowered with their own education, they know when they need more in math or extra reading time.  When they own it, they don’t fight you either.  That is what we are aiming for in the long term, aren’t we?  My goal always is to help create young adults who will make great choices about their lives.  This is such a perfect place to start giving them a way to figure out what they want and need.

I often throw out one other question.  Do you want to homeschool this year or would you like us to explore other options?  I am still amazed that every year they choose to homeschool and thanked us for allowing them that option.  This helps get rid of the grumbles about what they think is going on in the schools too.  One of my children did opt to go to the local high school for choir, drivers ed, and speech one year.  It was a great experience for her and us.  It wasn’t one I would have thought of either.

This year when getting ready to start your school year, ask your family these questions.  I would love to hear some of the answers too!  Share on our Facebook page or in our group.

Unschooling College - What’s next?

Part 2

As you may have read, we have been exploring college potentials for my newly “graduated” 18 year old son.

Was college an answer? In what ways?

Were there other, cheaper ways to gain that knowledge?

His sister’s college was $52k a year. She had a huge scholarship, but we still had loans and a huge out of pocket investment. AND. . . . she graduated a year ago, with excellent grades, from a prestigious school, with a great degree, AND is nannying to pay her bills. She has job leads and has built up a great resume with non-paid internships, but. . . .

Think about it. What would your out of pocket investment in college be for a year or for 4 years? Even if your kid got a part time job through college and was earning $500 a month and took two months off a year,that’s still a $20k investment. Then there is tuition, books, food, WOW! How can we take all of that and end up better prepared? I just want to mention that the dollar amount here is to help open your mind to bigger possibilities and options. Why are we willing to invest so much in a college education that won’t necessarily provide a great career, let alone a rewarding income, and not be open to using that money in other ways that would be more likely to get them closer to the same goal? I can tell you that when we brainstormed with a $20k budget a year, we came up with much better ideas!

We sat down and asked this question: For $20k a year, what could our son do that would get him to his goals? This question changed everything for us! The brainstorming began full force!

Some of our ideas included:

• Traveling around and attending entrepreneurship conferences for a year
• Internships (Do them during the school year when the college kids are busy!)
• Get a pilot’s license
• Start a business
• Get a business mentor
• Get a life coach
• Watch amazing college courses online (Some are free!)
• Take online courses pertinent to his career choice
• Train to become an F-1 Driver and or Stuntman (Not my favorite, but it is not my life!)
• Travel the world, help build schools, teach English, etc. (You can live at a higher standard of living in some countries for pennies on a dollar and pick up the language through immersion. Way cheaper than a college BA in French or other language!)

And the list could go on and on!

I heard of one guy who decided to do an internship a month for a year and kick-started a book on it to cover the expenses. He did this instead of an MBA and now has all of those business connections, a great book in process and so much practical knowledge. I can’t wait to see how far he goes!

The world is their oyster. Maybe it is time for your teen to sit down and make a brainstorm list! They can do anything and now there are so many amazing options that don’t have to mean 4 years in college and a bunch of debt.

I would love to hear about your unschooling college ideas!

Unschooling College - Figuring Out What’s Next

Part 1

This question was floating around my home for several months earlier this year. It was the topic of many conversations.

At first, my son got caught up in the typical dilemma: college or not college. He even pulled me into exploring variations of those two options.

Finally, one day he mentioned in an unrelated conversation, that he was saddened by the ending of a job contract for a high profile person and then discussed how that would be his dream job/career.

That got me thinking─ finally! We were missing that magic that made it all work!  Hopefully you know exactly what I mean. We were caught in the traditional “other people’s” options. That isn’t how we thrive!

Time for quality questions! If this is his dream career, how does he get there? What was it about this that made it his dream career? Specifically, and yes, how did it make him feel when hereached this decision? It is those feelings that we are all striving for anyway. Might as well acknowledge them in the beginning of the process!

Now we had a goal, an outcome. Now we can talk about options! And, wow! There are so many more options than choosing college or not!

Maybe it is not about choosing a job path and a college. Maybe it is about seizing a dream, a passion, and figuring out if college would even help. Most importantly, find what is best for your teen and stop doing something because it is the “next step” and because everyone says that is the “best way.”

Unschooling Graduation: What does it really mean?

Wow!  It has been a flurry of graduation parties!  My son just turned 18.  He has been homeschooled his whole life and most of that was unschooled.  Many of his friends went to school and parties are what you do, right?  It is a celebration of completing this huge part of your life.  They have been caught up in this flurry of test taking, college choosing, prom going, saying goodbyes, and celebrating a “freedom” of a sort. 

We totally got caught up in the momentum of the lives of his senior friends.  We spent a good several months going back and forth about colleges, second guessing our choice not to do the ACT/SAT route, and should he finish “xyz” like the other kids his age.  It was frustrating and confusing!  And you know what?  We lost track of our purpose! What we needed was a nudge back to what our big picture was all about.

My son graduated this year and not because of his amazing ability in Calculus or because he adequately completed 3.5 years of P.E. 

For us, it is a celebration of maturity and responsibility, of how he has lived and learned during his own extraordinary life.  He has had some amazing experiences that have all helped to create this well-rounded new adult.  I could go on with (and almost did) with a list of his academic accomplishments, but that isn’t what is most important to us. We worked hard to foster a life where he is open, curious and has a love of learning.  If we missed something on this journey, I am confident he will figure it out and quickly.  He is ready to do just that.

It is his readiness to go out into the world that we are celebrating.  We are more excited about things like his comfort level when communicating with adults and his ability to contribute as a leader and a follower.  He has common sense and he knows how to care for his body in a life long kind of way.  He knows if he can dream he can do it and there is no failure ─ only learning along the way.  He knows how to dream and he is working on what to do with those dreams.  That is just the beginning.

These are the things we find truly important. 

Yes my son, you are ready to graduate and I am so proud of you.